Lots of Rambling Loki Stuff.

 I will lay in my sorrow, covered in the heavy blanket of memory.
He comes softly then, a slight psychic breeze like the swooshing of a long jacket.
Closer and closer He will come, till we are nose to nose, face to face.
He seeps inside my skin, through my bones, and into my heart. His ethereal  form seeks out all the broken places.....
 All the dirty little fuck-holes of reality hidden inside of me.
The leaden pieces of my soul are made golden in His gnostic illumination of my Form and Function.
He transforms that which I feel into that which I understand.

The above rambling is something I wrote several days ago. It's hard to open up about spiritual things for me. I can channel "divine rage" all day long, but when it comes to feeling other feelings.....it's not my forte. I've gotten along pretty well in life by being a quick witted cunt. It's a wonderful survival skill, up to a point.

But sometimes you just feel like a Negative Nancy. Everything looks super-bullshitty all the time. I mean, ALL THE TIME. I can list the things I hate easily....society, politics, religious fervor, Hiddleson and Co., irrational people and their irrational belief structures, the healthcare system, the new healthcare system, the concept of having a president in the first place, the way money is used to exploit damn near everything....I could go on for hours.

 But to talk about what I love, that is like trying to speak with a ball gag in my mouth. I know for sure there are three things, in this order, that matter to me in life. My husband. Loki. My cats. And most all things and activities associated with them.

I love Loki. I want to be clear about that. I am not his wife, nor would I care to be. I need human contact in a relationship. I am not chosen or special or anything other than Myself. Gods do not battle for my soul, they tend not to rape me, and they rarely ask me for anything other than a few acts of goodwill to my fellow man, a few sips of booze, and a good conversation. I am not your super duper class A spirit worker. What I am is a damn fine occultist. I am a person who prides herself on a neatly crafted blend of logic and mysticism. I can divine like a mother-fucker, because I rarely let my own beliefs and opinions color a reading. I can sigilize a sentence like nobody's business.

I accept that it may well be all in my head, and I just don't give a crap if it is. Because it works. It happens. He talks and sashays and pouts around my house quite frequently. If it's a hallucination, then oh the fuck well. If I experience it, then it is real is some sense, and how the hell do you tell if gods are "real" in the first place? If I ask Loki "how do I know you're real" all I'll get is "how do you know you're real?". How DO I know I'm real? Sigh.......He loves nothing more than to make me question ALL THE THINGS.